Again,
sorry for only just updating you all! I saw the psychologist on Tuesday, and we
actually finished our two hour appointment early! We’re running out of things
to discuss and work on, treatment has definitely been working, and the
biofeedback only gets better and better each week we do it (taking a break
until the new year though).
One
thing we discovered in my psychologist appointment though is that I seem to
have a fear of pain, but not all types of pain. She wanted to try an exercise
where we would hold our arms straight out to the sides for three minutes and
notice and discuss our thoughts about the pain, but the problem for me is that I
am not fearful of that aching pain. I’m fearful of stabbing pains. The stabbing
I get in my vulva/vagina, the stabbing from the needle of a blood test, pin
pricks, etc.
She didn’t
quite understand why I was fearful of one and not the other, but she did give
me an assignment! For a few days straight, I am to use a toothpick and poke
myself on the arms, the stomach, the legs, hands, etch to see if I can reduce
my anxiety level of that sensation, and once the anxiety level has decreased,
to use the toothpick to poke more sensitive areas (areas with more nerve
endings) like my lips, or my breasts. The more I do it, the more I might find
that it’s not painful and that it just gives a sensation!
I haven’t
started yet, but I’m excited to because once that anxiety decreases I can
really start to localize my vaginal pain. As of right now, I’ve discovered I don’t
have pain between the sides of my clitoris and my labia, but I’m worried I have
pain at the base of my clitoris and so have been avoiding the area and been too
scared to touch it to even discover if it’s painful or not.
That’s
all I really have to say! I feel like my pain truly is decreasing! Even though I
didn’t really have a baseline. Life has been good, excited to start again in
the new year with my treatment.
Merry
Christmas guys (and happy holidays) AND Happy New Year!
Psychologist:
$225.00
Transport:
$52.00
Total
for the day: $277.00
Total
Psychologist fees up until today (not including travel expenses): $975.00
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